Nawalan na yata ako ng kakampi.

Yun lang.

Why the heck am I always effing sick???

='((

I miss my multiply ='(

I do. Cry cry. I miss posting photos, and giving comments on stuff, and getting updated on everyone else's lives, and stalking, and all sorts of net-bumming, and everything! Everything! posting photos, most especially. Thing is, I don't take pictures anymore. I dunno. I do go out a lot, and that's a lot of "picture-worthy" days, but I dunno. I just don't. I'm so tamad. But I like posting stuff. That just doesn't make snese, does it? Hahaha.

So no pictures means boring multiply life. Know what else? Asa na lang din ang style blog!

It's an anomaly!

Math sometimes doesn't make sense, does it? Just like my title. Haha =p

So I am reviewing for Exam P (Probability) on Thursday and I stumble upon this one teeny problem. It's a simple Bayes' situation (using a little binomial pdf along the way), wherein given that Result happened, I have to find the probabiliy that Cause-number-n caused it.

The situation is this. I have a number of vaccine vials, 20% of which come from Company A, the rest from Company B. I randomly select 30 vials and find out that one of them if ineffective. I have to find the probability that the ineffective vial came from Company A, given that the "ineffectivity rates" of Company A and Company B are 10% and 2%, respectively.

We omit the complete solution, as I am only concerned about one part: the probability that one in a selected group of 30 vials from Company A is infected versus the probability that, again, one in a selected group of 30 vials, this time from Company B, is infected.

Commonsensically speaking, since A has a higher ineffectivity rate than B, we'd expect that one in thirty from A would have a higher probability of ineffectivity. But noooooooooo (as Yen puts it).

(I is ineffectivity, C is Company A, C-compliment is Company B)

We all know how that happened mathematically (0.98 multiplied 29 times). But really now. I don't think it makes sense. Or does it? Enlighten me please.

Yay I got internet again. =D

So Frank took away my internet for ten years. Hahaha. What did we miss?

• Around 200 unsorted emails, which I couldn't just delete because there's always something from SOA every now and then (and they can't be filtered, it's almost always a different sender).
• Around 7 pages in my Mutiply inbox, which is actually not much. =p
• The "Be an Actuary" talk at Ateneo! There was one last July 2. Interestingly, that was also the exact day I became one. Hahaha.
• Lots of blog ideas (about work, studies, life and everything) that came and just passed. Lipas na ang inspiration, wag na lang. Hahaha =p
• Comments on my blog! People actually comment on my blog! Hahahaha, I'm overjoyed. =p Sorry ngayon lang ang reply.
• Blah. ( = everything else =p)

Ha!

Down to 0-1 from 20-30. I am so good! Now I can eat all the cheese I want. Hahahaha. And more importantly, I will finally get to go to work. Ha!

**********
Style blog?? Hmmm.

You know you've got no friends when...

You've got no pictures in any other person's online accounts. Yes? =p

Eh di napaisip ka bigla. Hahaha. That observation's 95% accurate, with an error margin of 0.05.

**********
In light of my rather eventless two-week non-work "holiday," I've found a new pastime-- browsing style blogs (when I don't do SOA).

And now I want my own too. As some of you may know, apart from all the math and commdev and nerd and whatever stuff, I am also a fashion junkie. It's the only artsy-fartsy side of me. =p I'm thinking of starting one, and I'm regretting I didn't do it during college. I'm having second thoughts, though, because that would mean taking a lot of pictures (almost everyday) of myself and of other people. I mean, I can't even finish taking pictures of my beadwork (I started, two years ago =p). But the prospect of a kababawan blog, where I can be, well, all mababaw, just thrills me. So I dunno. Still thinking about it. Wachutink??

"Para sa bayan" your ass, Manny

Because I believe that love would make the world a much sweeter place to live in, I decided some time ago to cleanse my system of all the hatred that I kept. All my enemies and pseudo-enemies, from Robin, the kid who kicked me hard in the stomach in kindergarten; to 09165465710, the pervert caller-texter who gave me a rather detailed account of his sexual fantasies; to Screwed Up Girl, the seemingly sweet classmate who offered Ejohn an "indecent proposal;" to Angel Locsin, the earsore of an actress whose voice and diction never failed to spoil my day; I've forgiven them all. Isn't life a whole lot sweeter without all the excess baggage? =D

There are two exceptions, however, to my newfound principle in life. No matter how much effort I put into not hating them, I just can't seem to force myself to at least be neutral towards Willie Revillame and Manny Pacquiao.

Willie Revillame, and all the makers of Wowowee (so I guess that's more than two exceptions? =p), for obvious reasons-- they're manipulative, two-faced people who capitalize on the common Filipino's desperate status in life, pretending to be helping them and at the same time facilitating fun, which for them, by the way, is synonyms with humiliation.

Manny Pacquiao, because he's an arrogant self-centered adulterous narcissist, the so-called "New Rizal," who claims to be an inspirational hero to the Filipinos by means of a "craft" which, in my opinion, is nothing to be proud of at all.

I am not a fan of boxing. I never was one. It's a glamorized term for "legal, rehearsed, and gradual torture." And it's clear that should something go wrong, it could become "legal, rehearshed, and gradual murder," where everyone involved is an accessory (coach, team, judge, and yes, fans and supporters as well). I never understood why people call this a sport. It is just plain violent. Humans are such morbid creatures. And as if killing each other doesn't satisfy us enough, we're making other creatures kill themselves too!

I'm sure you've somehow heard about dogfights, happening here in the Philippines. As I was browsing random blogs just a while ago, I came upon an entry about horsefights in some other part of the world. What is wrong with these people?! How can they take pleasure in watching these animals die?? And they don't just die, they're killed, destroyed! And eaten afterwards! What is effing wrong with us?? I don't think I can emphasize enough, this is permitted murder!

So I don't know. Let Manny Pacquiao torture other people. Heck, let him be tortured. I still don't approve, but whatever. He wants it. They want it. It's their choice, these beasts trapped in humans' bodies. Never mind that we worship a torturer (an arrogant, self-centered, adulterous, narcissistic torturer at that); and never mind all the things that that says about us Filipinos, about us humans.

But please. Please. Can we leave the animals alone??

**********
Anyway.

You've just got to love your mother's ways.

So I have UTI, and I've been drinking all the kinds of juices and extracts you can think of (all my liquids are literally taking up a third of the fridge). But I just can't take any more buko. My tastebuds detest too much buko juice. It so happens that buko is what is most recommended by the doctor, together with cranberry juice, which is also giving me problems, since I think it tastes like cocktail. So what does my mom do?

She makes me buko pandan. Hahahaha =p

Shoot me now

No meat.
No softdrinks.
No coffee.
No iced tea.
Nothing salty.
Nothing spicy.

In other words, my diet for the next couple of weeks will be composed of four things: water, juice, fruits, and vegetables.

And as if that isn't bad enough, the doctor told me to stop exercising. Can you believe that? Stop exercising! When they tell everybody else to exercise! Ridiculous.

**********

Today I let pass a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity: to ride an aircon jeepney!

Since my mom got well and got back to work, she had the driver back. That basically means I commute when she can't drop me off or pick me up. Anyway there I was standing along Gil Puyat waiting for a bus, and then a weird looking vehicle stopped in front of me. I was absent-minded, numbed from all the hassle and depression these medical hullabaloos are causing, and it took a while (and I mean a long while) before it registered: that's an airconditioned jeepney! I didn't ride it. Wala lang.

Love your body

That's the last item in the "21 things to do before you turn 21" list from Seventeen mag. (I actually haven't seen it myself, it's just all over Multiply.)

Figurewise, I really don't have any serious problem about that. (And Seventeen being the mag that it is, we know that they do mean "love your body" figurewise). I mean, I do have insecurities particularly around my leg and hip area, but hey, I think I'm relatively okay. In fact, (excuse me) I think I'm relatively a wee bit more than okay.

To-do number 21, however, is still sadly yet to be accomplished.

Today I had been drained of almost all my spirit and energy, not to mention of blood as well. How many things could go wrong with your body? I know, I know; who am I to complain when I know there are millions of other more seriously ill people out there who would give anything to trade places with me.

But still.

I am just so tired. I wish I could be more detailed but like I said, I am just so tired. Physically, emotionally, spiritually. I've simply had too many tests. Duh, ako na nga ang nagtuturo sa nurse kung aling vein ko ang pwedeng kunan ng dugo.

**********

Off-topic. Haha. I can practically imagine me and Ejohn together forever. Wahaha. That's just about the corniest line you can ever find in this blog, so I'll give all of us time to laugh. Okay, together now: bwahahahahahaha.

But it's true. Any bad day that ends with being with Ejohn is, well, still a bad day, but definitely not a lonely, miserable I-am-so-alone-nobody-understands-me kind of bad day. He can just sit there and do nothing; his mere presence alone is the most comforting thing in the world.

**********

Yeba. People have actually been visiting my blog! Hahahaha, thanks thanks. =D

On dreams and panic illness

I like dreaming, I do. In the morning when I don't remember dreaming I get disappointed and think "what a boring night that was." It's like a free movie, a weird free movie in all its plotless and nonsensical and preposterous grandeur, with the bonus that it stars none other than brilliant and dazzling you as protagonist. =p

Not all dreams feel good, though. Even with brilliant and dazzling you in the lead role, there's just some that you'd rather you didn't have. It's like when you have nothing to do in the mall and you force yourself to watch this particular movie via eenie-meenie-miney-moe; in the end you wish you just did some shopping instead (or windowshopping, when lacking the funds).

The one kind of dream I hate is when I cry hard in it. It is very stressing, and it's literally a waste of energy. You wake up afterwards and realize that you don't only feel sad, you also only have energy left to feel sad. It's a tiring, sweaty, and horrible feat, to have a bad dream. It just defeats the purpose of sleeping. I'd prefer the boring and uneventful night anytime.

Last night's dream was exactly that (the last part at least). It was a weird combination of Teddy Reyna, Philip Wee, Erika Sacdalan, Jaylyn Lagurin, Jonathan Sadorra, possibly Sir Jehoiakim Caro, and some big ugly men. Cut short, I (together with some thirty others) was made to believe that some armed men were after us when it was in fact just some stupid military drill or something. The hard, tumultuous crying part came when I learned it was all a joke, and I just hated every bit of them all, my upperclassmen. You could just imagine how I felt, considering my little "panic situation." I could've very well spared those armed men and their ugly faces-only-their-mothers-could-love some bullets and just die there of fear way before they even stepped foot on the building.

So there I was in my dream, crying my lungs out. It was just cruel. You don't just mess with my apparently-present-but-refusing-to-be-diagnosed panic illness just like that.

I wasn't crying when I woke up, but I felt exhausted. So I blogged, because I am too tired to review for SOA. =/

Flip-flops bad for the feet?

It's on MSN and Yahoo today.

I actually think they may be right. Think about it, it does require a little extra effort to keep them on while you're walking, right? And the Achilles heel strain, you do feel that too, don't you? Doctors suggest we use alternate shoe styles. That's good news; heels for work won't be all that bad after all! =p

Amishoo blog =D

Yay. It's been a long while since my last decent post! Rants don't count as decent btw, since I made a no-ranting-entries pact with myself, which I obviously wasn't able to keep. But I like thinking that I did keep my word, so let's just pretend they're not there. =p

So. What's been happening all this time? A few bullets on the random things that will come across my memory as I write this now:

• I already graduated with a degree in Mathematics from Ateneo just this March. Okay, that's lame. Lemme try another one.
• I failed Exam P of SOA, supposedly the easiest exam of them all (it is, after all, recommended to be taken first). That is what you get for thinking you're some sort of superwoman, taking a SOA exam on the finals week of your graduating year. Lesson learned for me, at the cost of 175 dollars. I'm planning on taking it again this August; I'm only waiting for their response to my discount form because it's costing me so much (okay, it's costing my mom so much =p). Now on to the good news.
• I don't know if I've already mentioned it, but I passed Exam FM. Which is why I get a small premium above my basic salary when I become permanent (believe me it's small, I wonder how many exams it takes til we get the huge incentives. hahahaha =p). And speaking of work.
• I already got an offer from the same company Hilbert and Raejan work in. Yay. Hello work. I'll be starting as soon as my medical exams go okay. And btw, as of now they're not.
• I didn't know so many things could go wrong with your urinalysis all at once! It said I had UTI, very high levels of acidity, and albumin traces (I asked Ejohn what that was, and after a long incomprehensible dialogue I figured it had something to do with blood, and that it wasn't supposed to be there, but that it isn't something I should be very alarmed about). Anyway, I got reminded of my blood tests.
• As some of you may know, I've had this little "blood situation," and I was supposed to have another blood test last July. Guess what, I haven't yet. Hahahaha. And I doubt the routine blood test in the pre-employment medical check-up counts, because they took out only a very small amount; that tube wasn't even a tenth of the vial they normally use for me. =p
• Anyhoo, on work again. I am officially freaked out at what kind of work probably awaits me. I have been to the office twice for my second and final interviews, and from the lobby I have a very good view of Raejan's cubicle. Apparently she sits in front of her computer all day. Add to that this little something my interviewer told me, "You'd be studying most of the time...." Goodness, I am positively scared. Hahahaha. =p
• On work one more time. Can I just say that shopping for corporate clothes is so boring? They all look the same to me, at least the safe ones. And when I come across some "exciting" pieces (the ones I can actually wear, you know =p), there's always something wrong with them (they always come in sleeveless cuts, for one thing, and Raejan says it's "not the norm"). Plus I'm not exactly a pants person, and that makes shopping a wee bit harder. And speaking of shopping.
• I am definitely going back to HK for a major shopping spree. Hahahaha. I think no street there has no clothes shop, and I'm not exaggerating. The clothes are really nice, I have to say, from the boutiques and the night markets all. China's got loads of good stuff too, really, but they make you feel so harassed! Show the slighest interest in their products and they'll never let you go. You don't even have to haggle, they do it for you! Anything to convince you. =p
• I've already come to terms with the fact that plane rides need not be as tranquil as it looks. I've just had my bumpiest plane ride ever. But still. Hahahaha.
• I've convinced myself to have braces "installed" (yikes) on my teeth, probably before I start working. Masakit na kung masakit, metal mouth na kung metal mouth, what the heck. Hahahaha.
• Ejohn and I have been going out a bit more often lately. No pics (because it's getting pretty tiring) and no news really (no we're not getting married yet, bwahahahahaha =p), except that he's confused about pursuing med school.
• I've just run out of random musings. Let me just say that I have a happy love life. Mainggit na lang kayo. Bwahahahaha. =p

I guess that's about it for now. Til next time bloggie! =D

I hate holidays

Oh yes I do!

Because on holidays, everyone's "home." It's bad alone trying to live with my grandma, it's way way worse living with my tita. Oh you could just imagine what I could say of living with both of them. Ah evil me. No, evil you!

So ya, I have to get out of here as soon as I can. Because you know what, I want to look forward to going home. I want to never be guilty, I want to not care about who's looking or about who knows when I'm having fun. I don't want to waste time doing things your way just to avoid any further discussion when I think they're a total waste of time. I don't want to be barraged by anyone with a list of the important things they do for the family. I don't want to be lectured by anyone about responsible Filipino citizenship and issues of the "bayan," especially not from someone who does nothing about them (hey come to think of it, I may actually know more than you do! and I sure do something about what I know!). And ya, I want to enjoy my holidays too. And guess what, believe it or not, I'm hell sure spending them alone beats spending them here.

So I'm outta here. If my mom won't, I sure will.

=/